He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
