sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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