i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
