I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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