SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
