PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
