you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
