I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
