she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
