I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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