Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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