shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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