my mouth tastes like poor choices
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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