the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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