apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bring me that man meat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
