I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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