Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
