Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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