Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
