New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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