Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
