Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He passed out mid-signature
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
