I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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