When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Green mimosas i think yes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
