Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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