my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
