I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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