i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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