Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
