Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
