I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
