i don't like sucking hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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