Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
