I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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