He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
