I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
