u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
