Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
