I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
