Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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