I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
