He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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