Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
