Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
