This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize