you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
