actually, I'm a sock model
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
two words...techno handjob
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
