If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
