Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
