I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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