He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
