new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
