My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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