Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
