Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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