you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
