I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
