I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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