well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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