did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
