brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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