Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
