As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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