you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
