we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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