I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
