chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck appropriateness.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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