This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
