conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
