He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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