can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
