Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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